The Forecast Is Wet And Windy Outside, Stormy Inside

Autumn has come roaring in with a vengeance, blasting away all notions of an Indian Summer.

Sixty miles per hour winds, pouring rain, and I could not find my waterproof coat anywhere. I had the kids all wrapped up to brave the elements this morning, but my own efforts to withstand the October onslaught were seriously hampered. I left it to the last possible moment before we left on the school run, but the jacket was nowhere to be found. As it was, I had to fall back on a fairly typical soak-me-up-and-wring-me-out coat that put up a resistance for all of five minutes.

Buffeted by the winds, as fellow pedestrians struggled with umbrellas turning inside out, my two children and I made the challenging trek into school. Along the way we had to navigate the Puddle Of Doom. This is a stretch of water that gathers in the road by a bus stop whenever it rains, and when cars plough through it it creates a splash of up to five feet high. I kid you not.

So it is all about the timing. We wait until there is a gap in the traffic and then we run along the pavement hoping to pass it before another car comes along.

Of course, the kids love it!

It looks something like this photograph here, only you cannot see the absolute joy radiating on my face as I experience this beautiful season.

image

I managed to get them to school in a fairly presentable state, still bemoaning the fact that I did not have my waterproof amidst growing suspicions that my wife may have sold it or threw it out, then made the journey back, involving another sprint past the Puddle Of Doom as a car appeared to speed up, Β the driver no doubt attempting to chalk off his first hit of the day.

I got back soaked, my jeans, boxers, jumpers, socks,Β everything.Β 

Next I walked the dog, which I normally do at 7.30 but had delayed, reasoning that if both I and the house, because of the dog, is going to get wet, I may as well do it all in one go. I gave our Golden Retriever the shortest walk on record, then dried him with an old towel we use especially for him and the kitchen floor that he skates in on.

Finally I could get out of my wet clothes. My useless jacket and hat went on the bathroom radiator, above my leaking boots, and I swapped my jeans and boxers for dry ones. I dried my hair (yes my hat was also similarly useless) and made myself a hot cup of tea-one of the last remnants of English civility.

At that point, as I sat down, my wife sent me a text, asking if I could nip into town to pick some things up for her.

Ha ha ha-I laughed all the way to Divorce Court.

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10 thoughts on “The Forecast Is Wet And Windy Outside, Stormy Inside

  1. Oh man! That’s hilarious! Um, well, probably not for you. I hope you find your waterproof coat soon. I would laugh my head off if your wife had it with her the whole time. πŸ™‚

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    • Ten minutes before the return school run this afternoon it started bouncing down again. I searched all over, with my wife texting suggestions. With seconds to spare I found it scrunched up into a ball at the bottom of Millie’s wardrobe! Considering taking fingerprint swabs on our return home I made to leave, and guess what? I couldn’t find my waterproof trousers. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

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  2. I also- in the face of guzzling wind and rain- couldn’t find my coat this morning! I had to resort to the darkened. dusty string of old attire until I found a coat that I’d owned when I was 12!
    Still thinking about horror authors, Dean Koontz has a Golden Retriever named Anna… hopefully that hasn’t been some subconscious factor for me reading more of his books than King’s.

    It sounds like you had an eventful Monday and, to paraphrase Sylvia Plath, there’s nothing that a hot cup of tea can’t solve. πŸ™‚

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    • You couldn’t find your coat either-there is something definitely going on here.
      Perhaps old Dean follows your blog (imagine that!) and named his dog after you. Not sure if I would be flattered or offended. Do you growl at strangers?

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      • ‘The Northern Blights: Tales of a coat theif’.

        If Dean Koontz followed my blog that definitely would be a tick off the bucket list! Haha. He’d be disappointed to learn that I’ve managed to curb my excitement in the face of strangers and my growling is now kept at a minimum! πŸ™‚

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