Claws For The Weekend:Two Beleaguered Wife Stories

On Thursday, my wife Jen came home from work early, ill. In the evening she was sat on the couch with a blanket over her. She said “I am weak, I feel like a blow up doll.”  I said “I feel like one too, but I’ve no idea where they sell them.” You should have seen the look on her face. I sometimes forget that she works in the funeral business, and can bury me for free.    Then last night Jen, my seven year old daughter, and myself, were all watching the ‘eating bush tucker trial’ on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. Poor Jimmy and Kendra had to munch their way through such fayre as bug cocktails, cow’s lips, pig’s eyes, pig’s nose, sheep testicles, ostrich feet, and live witchetty grubs.   During the challenge, Kendra had to eat an antelope’s penis. One of the show’s hosts, Dec, asked her “What does it taste like?” Kendra replied “It tastes like penis.” My daughter Millie exclaimed “Aww…I love peanuts.” Jen nearly had a heart attack. We managed to wing the resulting questions. Have a great weekend, people. See you on the flip side. If we survive it.

Bon appétit.