I posted this a few weeks ago on my poetry blog, stating that I know that there’s parts of it that I’ll change, but it’s of interest to record the first birthing lines.
I’ve since deleted the opening three lines, it now begins:
the hulls and husks
of scuttled ships
shadow the sky
I’ve tweaked a few others lines and added much more.
I’ve also renamed it Rooftop Blues. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Nice to see the birth and lifeline of poems!
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Yes I think it is interesting to see the changes along the way.
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I kind of like the first beginning! Both are good, but the first speaks to me.
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Any creative work that speaks to people is good!
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💗
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Evolution of our creative acts are so personal…thank you for letting us in on this poem’s birthing.
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Once it reaches maturity they are often vastly different from conception.
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I like the more alliterative sound of the new three lines. And the imagery of hulls and husks. I didn’t think it needed revising, but reckon your alteration has added something.
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That’s heartening to hear (this alliteration unintended!)
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