To Conker Her Fears

It was maybe an hour from dusk. A little girl was running ahead of her mother, kicking all of the yellow and brown leaves out of her way as she came.

“Where are all the conkers?” she asked me.


“Yeah, there’s all these leaves but no conkers!” Her cheeks were red with either all of the running she’d been doing or the cold air. Maybe a combination of the two.

I gestured towards the bottom of the hill. “There’s a conker tree down there, on Wood Street. Right to the bottom then turn left.

She whirled around. “MUMMY!” She didn’t have to shout as her mother wasn’t really that far behind. “THERE’S A CONKER TREE DOWN THERE!”

Maybe her mother didn’t really need to hear that. I shrugged apologetically. “It’s about ten minutes away.”

She nodded her thanks and they went on their way. Or rather the girl did, speedily, and her mother followed the trail she left through the foliaged pathway.

That was one thing I missed. When my kids were primary age we used to pass the horse chestnut tree that I’d referred to on the school run, and at this time of year we’d forage for any fallen conkers along the way. Especially after a previous night’s storm.

But the kids are older now. High school age. When I was in high school conkers were still a thing. The playground was the battleground, and the more fair-minded (or more likely the naive) among us would come up against the devious cheats who had strengthened their conkers by baking them in the oven or coating them in nail varnish. Ways and means, with the assistance of conspiring adults.

That was in the days before the schools went on a health and safety overdrive and either banned them outright or insisted safety goggles had to be worn when playing.

So now they’re not a thing.

The last time any interest was shown in conkers in my house was when my daughter had come across the claim that spiders were scared of them. Before you could say show me the scientific proof there was a defensive line of them along her window ledge and more strategically placed upon her bedside cabinet.

They lasted until the night she encountered a spider that was big enough to juggle them.

11 thoughts on “To Conker Her Fears

    • I’ve explained to Laurie below how we kept tally of our victories.
      I’ve also learnt that the banning of conkers these days on health and safety grounds was also influenced by head teachers concerned of legal consequences through injury (!) and also fears of anaphylactic shock for pupils with nut allergies-of which there is no evidence.


    • I know. Some schools have banned them as being dangerous. In all of my secondary high school days (when conker battles were at their zenith) I’d never known anyone get injured in a conker fight. Never heard it full stop!
      When we played, if my brand new conker beat another new conker mine was now a ‘oner’, keeping my victory count. Fast forward a little, if my conker was now a ‘tenner’ and came up against a ‘twentier’ and won I’d then claim all of my adversary’s victories and so I’d then have a ‘thirtier’.
      The days before mobile phones!
      I don’t know why the schools don’t allow them now-it’s good for learning maths!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Three generations, three approaches to conkers. The knuckle-knackering game that we used to play. Banned before my children were at school. Now, my granddaughter is saving them to paint white then stick a small one on top of a big one: snowmen for Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

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