My Role As Millie’s Chief Tormentor

Two conversations, within five minutes, with my eleven-year-old daughter Millie:

1

When seeing Amanda Holden on television.

Millie: “My friend Sienna has met Amanda Holden.”

Me: “So have I.”

Millie: “Really? You’ve met her?”

“Me: “Yes.”

Millie: “Once?”

Me: “More than once.”

Millie: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, I’ve met Sienna lots of times.”

😂😂

Followed by:

2

Feeling the gap caused by a recently lost tooth:

Millie: “You know like I’ve lost a tooth? This girl in America was on YouTube and she put a tooth under her pillow and got a hundred pounds off the Tooth Fairy.”

Me: “No she didn’t.”

“Millie: “Err yes she did!!”

Me: “I bet you she didn’t.”

Millie: “Okay-shake on it then.”

Me: “Alright. If that girl in America got a hundred pounds I’ll give you fifty quid. If she didn’t you have got to do every job I give you for a week.”

Millie: “Deal!”

We shook hands on the wager.

Me: “In America they don’t have pounds they have dollars.”

😂😂

Yes goodnight Millie! Sleep well!

A Random Conversation In The Library

(Background information: this took place in my local library. I sometimes take part in clinical trials, and if a book I’ve ordered comes in while I’m away my wife picks it up for me.)

 

I called into Middleton Library today. Two librarians were stood at the desk, one greeting me in surprise:

L: “Hello! I’ve not seen you for a while! I was only thinking about you the other day.”

Me:”You thought I’d died, didn’t you? On a trial. Never came out again alive.”

L:“No! I saw that comedian on the tv . . .

Me:”Don’t tell me-Jason Manford.”

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L:”No but . . . yes! You are like him!”

Me:”You’re the fourth person now to tell me that. Who was it you was watching?

L:”Peter Kay.”

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Me:”Well thanks a bunch!”  I did that thing with my double chin.

L: ““I mean the way he tells his stories!”

The other librarian now joined in, thinking it an opportune moment to extricate her colleague from a conversation running amok.

L#2: “Didn’t I see your wife in here? While you were away?

Me: “With another man?”

L#2: No! With the kids.”

Me: “To be honest I’m more worried about her being with the kids than with the other man. She’s not supposed to have access.”

 

My book was overdue. They waived the fine.

Roman; Saxon; Norman; Schoolboy

Whatever your persuasion, whether you look at it as Beltain, May Day, or the first day of summer, yesterday, for once, the weather played its part. Actually the weather always plays its part-it’s just that it’s not always the weather you want!

Anyway the sun was out, and after doing my errands for She Who Must Be Obeyed I took time out in our local Jubilee Park which was certainly dressed for the occasion.

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Adorned in her best Cherry blossom, who cannot be lifted on a day such as this? Even I-Autumn and Winter lover that I am.

Though it may not be the exact geographical centre of my town I certainly look upon this area as both its historic and spiritual centre. St.Leonard’s church, part of which dates back to Norman times, is the church that my wife and I were married in.  It is believed there was a wooden Saxon church here before this, and possibly built, as was the custom, on the site of a pagan temple. A stone’s throw away is the suspected place of a Roman signal point, and just behind it some long gone prehistoric barrows.

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And speaking of history-here’s a building that has figured prominently in mine. This is Middleton Library. You guys know I’m a bookworm, right?  Go beyond those upstairs windows, in what is now the reference library, and you just might see the ghost of an eleven-year-old Jackdaw diligently doing his homework with his school mates in the former children’s section.

I wonder if I’d recognise him? Would he know me?

I’ve been a member of that library for something like thirty five years. And now my own book is in there. How cool is that?

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Near to the bandstand I found the Middleton coat of arms, shyly stating its claim in the grass. And those dandelions-so important for the early bees when many flowers have yet to bloom. At least that’s what I tell my wife when she wants the garden doing.

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