My wife won’t let me grow a beard. I’ve had the same haircut since my schooldays, (though it is getting progressively thinner), and I wanted to do something different.
Jen: “You’re not growing a beard!”
Me: “Why not?”
Jen: “Because you won’t suit one.”
Me: “How do you know until you see me in one?”
Jen: “I don’t like beards.”
Me: “It’s my chin!”
Jen: “Well if you grow a beard then I’m going to grow one too.”
Me: “That’s not fair because you’ve got a head start on me.”
Death or divorce, take your pick.